When your parents make you feel like shit

Me: I might get promoted to a leadership role at work after only five months of starting there!
Dad: Oh? I thought you didn’t have any leadership skills. Actually, aren’t you bad at that?
(somewhere a litter of kittens dies)
Me: I just got requests for two interviews this week from jobs I really wanted to hear back!
Them: Don’t you want to take the leadership role at your current job instead of being a quitter?
(my current job is a fucking cesspool of drama, far worse than anything I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life)
Me: Oh, I haven’t weighed myself in a while. I’m just focusing on lifting weights to tone (I have been dieting my whole life bc my parents think I’m chubby).
Them: Just see how much you weigh! It’s fine, step on the scale.
Scale: 116lbs
Mom: Ok, you should be like 106lbs
(goodbye, world)
Me: *Showing them pictures of Asians with blonde hair* I want to do my hair blonde again.
Them: Really? Blonde hair makes your face look huge and only celebrities can pull that off.
Me: *dyes hair dark instead*
Them: Your hair is so black. It looks too intense. You should dye it lighter. It really brings focus to your face and you don’t want that.
(shoots self in the face)
Me: I found this really exciting graduate program, and I think it will be really beneficial to me!
Dad: I think you should have just stuck to graphic design when you had your chance.
(okay, I’ll just go fuck myself)

This is how I have grown up my entire life. Needless to say, my self-esteem is shit, and I have worked really hard to even get to where I am now. I attribute a lot of it to culture (Korean, to be specific, but I’m not trying to exclude other countries and people as a whole who have this experience. End of cover-my-ass clause.) and to different approaches in parenting. Korean parents, or my parents, really want their children to excel in every way. If this means they are going to point out your flaws in the most offensive, exaggerated way, you better pucker your pink, tender, virgin-like asshole up (or lips, if you want to be less vulgar) and learn some coping/survival skills.

I used to hate my parents for being assholes, but as I’ve gotten older, I have been able to focus more on the intentions behind the remarks rather than the remarks themselves. Popular culture and media already force me to think that my body is too big and then add to that my own parents constantly saying I need to lose weight. I love my parents. I did not know that for a long time. Although they constantly fail to give me what I need emotionally, I have to learn to overlook some (or a lot) of their flaws in order to have a relationship with them.


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